I’m Out!

Back on the 15th of November 2021 I made a post called: My Job And I (It’s About Damn Time), where I talked about FINALLY getting a permanent position in the role I’ve been working in for almost 2 years.

I’d like to continue from that post.

When I wrote that, I was relieved to have been recognized and offered a position with some stability. I didn’t have to constantly worry I was going to be sent right back to the bottom of where I came from. I thought I was being noticed and was told not only was I becoming a permanent member of the team, but this also came with a pay rise and a new job title (which was already being handed out to two other members in there). I was told that I earned this position..

November came and went. We got into December and with the quick arrival of Christmas lurking, we started asking questions about this pay rise. The boss said he was working on it. It was all approved but was waiting to be signed off. He said it was all approved on the 15th of December but just waiting for the signatures. He was hoping it would be done by Xmas.

Christmas came and past. So did New Years. Everyone was on a longer than usual break and didn’t start trickling back to work until around the 14th of January. This topic came up again since we noticed there was no news of it. Nope. Still not done. Annual leave and Covid leave is slowing it all down.

Now we’re at the end of January when the boss suddenly sprung on us that he’s resigning in 3 weeks. He was going to finish this project he was doing and after 10 years at the company, he’s off.

Again, the pay is brought up 2 weeks to his leave day and he’s still saying he’s waiting.

We get to his last week and with 3 days to go we’re starting to ask how long signing a damn thing can take. It was still a no though. Nothing was finalized.

So we’re now on his last day which was Friday. I honestly was so busy with everything I didn’t get to talk to him. I don’t think he cared although I had a couple missed calls and chats from him asking me if I was free. I wasn’t.

Then at 5:30pm I noticed there were some emails I overlooked from that afternoon. One being an email titled “Information about your Secondment”…. The fuck does that mean?

It was a Friday and I knew no one was going to care about me at that time so I emailed my new boss and said “I guess this is your issue now”.

My new boss is one of the women from my team and I’ve been working with her the full 2 years I’ve been there. She replied back and said she had a meeting with her boss on Monday and she will fill me in later.

There was no catch up Monday but let’s talk about today.

I had a meeting with the new boss and it felt weird. She was asking me to describe what I do, asking me where I see myself in the company, am I happy doing what I’m doing? Kind of felt like she didn’t even know me! I answered everything and then she says “so we’re going to extend your secondment for the next 3 months and see how you go”. Huh?? Secondment!! I thought I was over that shit. And for 3 months?? That’s it!!??

Then she started saying that she would work with me to build up my confidence and that she wants me to start making decisions on my own. But if course, she’s “happy to help me” but if I provide her with a problem I should give her two alternative solutions (or one) and she’ll let me know if it’s too high risk or too go ahead…..

Where the fuck was this honestly coming from?

I had to get her involved in 3 cases this week and that’s because the past boss literally called his resignation and for 3 weeks went MIA. Didn’t reply to my emails. Didn’t do a catch up with me. Didn’t check in with me at all. And after having one case sitting there where a customer was asking for $10k compensation and another asking if we should disconnect 10 accounts because they are having hardship issues on other accounts (so as a precursor) – I HAD TO REACH OUT!!! And how am I supposed to give alternative solutions to something I don’t know how to handle? A $10K compensation claim is out of my budget to approve and that shit gets legal! What would my solution be? Tell them to fuck off???

And what about to disconnect people so they don’t get into more debt? I would suggest disconnecting their internet cause their just going to have to back pay the bills. But guess what… The person I asked is currently going through a hardship process.

So after the shock of it all and thinking I was back in elementary school, she finalized everything with “so you okay with that?”

Me: “Well I guess I have to be to get a permanent position in this team, eh?”. She could tell I was on the verge of tears. CAUSE I WAS!!! I was back at square fucking one. Having to sell myself again for the same role I’ve been doing for 2 years. I’ve been checking my damn pay every pay day to see if I finally got that pay rise. I felt useless and back to being unmotivated. I was back to feeling under appreciated right after I was talked up and told how deserving I was.

She started going on with the pep talk and the “keep doing what you’re doing”.

Keep doing what I’m doing? Yeah, that’s been going real well for me the last 2 years. Keep doing what I’m doing if I want to stay on as a fucking casual who can get booted any moment without warning. But here comes the kicker.

Between me trying not to swear and full on bawl I said “I really wish he didn’t open up his mouth and tell me I’m permanent”. She didn’t know what I meant. So I explained the situation. “But now you’re telling me that I’m back in the secondment. I don’t get it! And what about this pay rise and title change?”

Nope. She never heard about it. Has no fucking idea. As she says, he never spoke to her about it. I told her she was in the meetings with us when we would bring it up.

Nope. Didn’t recall.

I was beside myself. What the fuck was happening? Everything done in the last 2 years was thrown out for me. So I did the only thing I could do and get the two other people in my team involved. Not in the conversation with the boss but I filled them. After asking then if they knew anything about it, which they didn’t.

Once I talked to them I started to see this image of a boss who likes to run his mouth and say things before anything is actually approved. Here I am thinking that potentially (this is just a theory), he shot from the hip without any confirmation. Once he realized nothing was getting signed off he started backing off and dragging it out. Till finally his last day where it wasn’t his issue anymore and he didn’t have to admit a fuck up. The best thing was, nothing was in writing. It was all talking. So we have nothing to fall back on.

In my case though, I have a feeling I’m going to get fucked over. A part of me feels like I’ll be the one who won’t get the pay or the title but possibly, the other two will cause they were made permanent early on.

Then there’s a sense of being tested. That’s how I feel like I am. But the thing with me is I don’t do well with that. This fuck around is making me reconsider everything. It’s making me think that I should bail all together. But do what? That news blinded me and all I want to do is hide for awhile. But I can’t. I got work…..

Turns out that’s what I’ve been wanting to do the last few days anyway. I was already feeling off and down. I actually got a referral today to see a psychologist so I guess the timing couldn’t have been better. Throw in some anger in the mix and maybe spitefulness. I didn’t want to discuss work with the guy but I guess that’s where alot of my emotions are stemming from.

Tomorrow is a day in not looking forward too. I don’t want to “prove” myself. I’m being asked to do something I’ve already done. It’s come to a point now where I just want to give the finger and say “I’m out!”.

Maybe that’s a shitty part of my personality. I’m not a fighter. I don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. If I can’t get by on what I do and what I have already showed, than fuck off. I’ve never been the type to try and impress someone or sell myself to get something. If I have to put that much effort in then I don’t want it.

This is no different.

I want to enjoy my work (which I thought I was) and not stress about it. And yet here I am being told I’m back in probation like I’ve just started again…..

I may as well quit now.

  One thought on “I’m Out!

  1. February 23, 2022 at 3:09 am

    I do think you would be happier at a different job. If I were you, I would seriously start looking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 1, 2022 at 10:44 pm

      You’re right.
      I have been kinda keeping my eye out for something else but also thinking if there’s a side hustle I can do. I think I would like that more. I don’t think works idea of “work-life-balance” fits in with me anymore.


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