I Woke Up Alone

I woke up this morning disorientated, confused, and covered in sweat. It was if my body was going through withdrawals or something. But instead, it was these dreams.

I woke up twice in the middle of the night patting myself dry. I got myself back to sleep and found myself in my house (which was slightly bigger than it is now) with my family. What were my family doing here? My mom moved my big ass fish tank back upstairs which is where it used to be. (Brendan and I had to move it downstairs cause it was so frickin loud when we tried to sleep and let me tell you, it took so long to move. The tank is frickin heavy). So how did my mom move it?

It was weird though. I thought about Brendan and was wondering where he was. I decided I’d try to call him. I got my phone out and started going through it to find his number but for some reason couldn’t remember what I had his number under. I eventually found messages from us but they went back months and the texting eventually went from chats to just memes and then communication halted.

I thought about messaging him but was worried that the time left silent would have been too long. Would I come off as desperate or like I was cold but now I’m hot for him again? What if he was already seeing someone? There was no real feeling in there that we were in a relationship so as far as I was concerned, we were just messing around and took an interest in each other. But, seems like I was the reason it stopped.

But then it was Covid as well. And I thought maybe that’s why it went dry. We couldn’t see each other. I did send a message. And I did get a reply back. I don’t remember what it said though.

Then I woke up. Covered in my own sweat looking around my bedroom wondering where the hell I was. Eventually the four walls started looking more familiar. But, did I live alone? Was my mom there?

No… I know I didn’t live alone. I looked to the other side of my bed and no one was there.

Was I single?

Was I married?

I actually couldn’t remember anything.

I could hear the bath running in the background of my room being silent and slowing it started to make sense.

I had a boyfriend. And then I remembered a name.

“BRENDAAAAAAAAN”

I yelled but no answer. I could hear him downstairs getting ready for the morning and letting the dogs outside.

Texting always works though and soon Brendan was upstairs greeting me with a “good morning, Buttercup”.  All I could say was “I’m happy I have a boyfriend and you’re it”.

Because I’m not kidding, I really did feel single and alone for a split second.

I never want to have amnesia.