Help Has Arrived

I finally know what it feels like to be a baby again.

I know that patting a baby on the back helps them with gas pains. And that’s exactly what I feel like I need right now. A good frickin patting on the back.

I kind of thought the pain you can get from it was a myth. Oh yeah… fart pains can you make you cry!! Well, it can. It can make you cry.

I’m not too sure if the discomfort I’ve been feeling the last couple days is gas. This isn’t a pain I’ve had before. Started in the stomach (where it still is) and is now hitting my upper back directly where my stomach would be if my organ was pushed to my spine. It’s almost like a little lump is traveling from side to side pissing off my insides. I was going to ask to be burped in the hopes that it would fix everything. Maybe it will?

I can’t do much right now. I went to the chemist and spoke to the pharmacist there. After I told her the issues she suggested laxatives. I said, no. I can’t risk that right now. I have work and this stuff takes 12 hours to kick in.

Her next suggestion – an enema. “This will kick in within 20 minutes”. Nah, I’m not in the mood to be shoving things up my asshole right now. It’s 7pm. I’m tired. And I can’t be dealing with the consequences of that at this point in the day. Suddenly the stomach pains seemed to be a better deal than the latter.

I opted for some Mylanta instead.

Just get rid of this wind pain. That’s what is says it does. So, lets get this shit going….

I’ve dropped four.

Let’s see how we go!

I think I’m getting old.

The Help

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