I swear I’m not one of those “New Year New Me” people despite me seeing a lot of that over the years in my posts.
New Year = new goals that never get achieved.
I can’t even tell you the moment of times I’ve read: get healthy, lose weight, take more pictures, GET LICENSE. So I’m not even going to put that shit out there into the universe this year. Its so exhausted that when the year ends and I realize none of those goals were even half accomplished and mostly more destroyed making it harder for me to achieve them, I’m not even mad. I’m just like “put it on the next years to do list”
But I have done something today that I feel is a step in the right direction in regards to making some sort of change for the positive. Besides drinking a smoothie for breakfast the last 4 days in a row I’ve decided to put majority of my past posts on private. There is a reason for this.
I’ve actually had this blog since 2016. I only have 128 posts. Out of those, 26 are now on public. The reason for this is because their redundant.
I’ve had so much happen in those almost 5 years and majority of it wasn’t good. If it was good I didn’t post about it. The whole point of this was to kind of have it like a diary but when I went over the entries it seems like the only time I posted was when I was upset. And I’m not always upset. Well, not anymore any way. I’m still depressed and I still have a lot of issues inside my head but outwardly, I don’t feel as sad with life at the moment and I wouldn’t mind trying to put that to post. The issues I have is inside. And those are things I want to work through but I don’t feel as angry towards things as I previously did and I would like to continue on that path.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do get angry. Maybe it’s actually been downgraded. And maybe things I used to get angry about I can now just call opinions? Haha who knows? I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t care. I feel void of things which is good but is also bad. I want to fill that void with positive shit though. Let me try that route. And by getting rid of the posts I feel like I can almost start again.
I don’t want to read about my ex’s or fights I had with my family.
I don’t want to read about the way people made me feel.
I will of course post about that kind of shit now. Now as in 2021. When it happens. But reading back on it from 2016 and then having those memories come back isn’t doing me any good. Even posts from 2018, 2019… yeah, you get it.
I will keep those posts as a diary entry though. I will still continue to write about what I think, feel or about my day. Everything will be the same but the last 5 years of garbage, broken entries where I want to start something new and fail can stay private.
I’m going to try a different mode here.
This will start from 2020. Not much really happened then obviously but it was the easiest time to start from because I could literally see my posts change from being sad 100% of the time to being sad in my head and happy with how my life started going. And I think that’s when the real progress began for me.
I want to keep that going 😊
I still have a disdain for motivational quotes/memes/pictures and will never post one on my blog.