You Don’t Want This Flight

Where do I begin?

This whole month has been crazy and I’m currently writing this from the sky. I really actually don’t know where to start.

Current mood: in pain. Annoyed… Doesn’t help I woke up this morning with the cramps from hell and day one of the cycle. Sure, perfect time to get on a plane.

So, this is all for Brendan. Yanno, the birthday boy? I feel like I went over and beyond. I’ve never done anything like this or spent what I have at one time on someone. I didn’t just stop at the trip back to the Central Coast (that’s what’s happening now) but I also went and got him presents, took him for dinner and drinks. It’s been insane.

However, last night was insane. So insane I wanted to kill him. We weren’t supposed to be going to Sydney today. We were already supposed to be there. But guess what. We missed the flight!

It’s been awhile since I’ve been that angry. I just cried and then yelled. Then went silent for the rest of the night. All because of a lost passport. Brendan lost his passport. Still doesn’t have it, mind you. Where is it? No fucking clue.

I’ve been having bad anxiety the last couple days. The thought of leaving my dogs kills me mixed with relying on someone else to look after them. Also, just getting away from my house. My security blanket. It fucked me up. And then plans being changed makes me go crazy. I’ve taken so much time to convince my brain into accepting something then to have it changed completely just grinds my gears and throws me out. I’ll lash out sometimes but not because I want to.

I didn’t do it in this case. Well, maybe for a minute. But I just refused to talk to him last night. Even really this morning.

I guess main thing is we’re on the way now but I’m just going to be worrying about his stupid passport now.

I’ll write more later. We’re about to land and do this.

Ps, Sydney sure looks better from above the clouds.

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